this lil guys has his priorities in check ok. meet Bey is wayyy better than meeting the President 

(Source: fallontonight)

213,356 notes







Meet Cory Nieves. He’s a dapper, 10-year old CEO of Mr. Cory’s Cookies who started his own booming cookie business in an effort to help his mom buy a car after moving from NYC to New Jersey in 2009.

!!!!!! COOKIE CEO !!!!!!!

this is the best post on tumblr ever!!!

What the fuck

I will never be cooler than this guy.

COOKIE CEO? I want to be him when I grow yo

208,310 notes


*Unarmed Black person gets killed by police*
“It’s not about race they had to have done something to deserve it.”

*Black person gets a job or goes to a college*
“This is obviously about race there is nothing they could have done to deserve it.”

1,434 notes


a guy walked into the board room and said

"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"

and i just stared at him and coldly said

"i am the regional reports manager"

we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life

(Source: sofiajonze)

484,754 notes

Anonymous said: have you ever had a bad experience with porn?




One time I was watching this porn video because someone told me this girl was good at blowjobs and I was trying to learn how to give one since I’ve never done it before. And so she was giving him like a good ass blow job in this video and I was so into it. Like I got kinda horny too and I never really get horny watching blow jobs. So I was like bruhhhh she on point! And they were two white porn stars and I was happy that there was no music and shit. 

Then next thing I know he was like, “You’re a dirty little slut, huh? Just a nasty bitch.” And I was like… Wait, whuttt? What is happening? How did this escalate so quickly??? And he was like, “Show me how dirty you are. Show me how filthy you can be.” And so I was getting nervous like all of my arousal dwindled after this shit. I was like NO WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN??? Like I’m watching a horror movie and shit. And she opened her mouth and I thought oh woooow this nigga bout to cum already? IT’S ONLY BEEN LIKE 5 MINUTES WTF HE WEAK. 

But no. He looks her dead in the eye and he starts peeing. He fucking peed in her mouth like a shit load of pee I was like

OH MY FUCKING GOD ABORT. FUCKING ABORT. And she was moaning and licking her lips like he was pouring some good ass southern lemonade in her mouth and I was just not ready and I could not deal. And then my phone was being jank and wouldn’t close it out and I was just crying. I was like NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. And so when I finally got it off I just sat there in my bed contemplating life. 

Then I saw the nigga that told me to watch the video and I never looked at him the same again. 

This was fucking HILARIOUS!! 😂😭😂

Brb dying

4,827 notes